Double Trouble or Double Blessing?

The boys, circa 2010

Well, that's really up to you isn't it?

Twins are a product of their genetics and their environment, just like any other child. If you've been blessed with healthy twins at birth, the rest is up to you.

My sons are tremendously well behaved. There are probably some genetics at work their, because, in my "default" state, I'm a pretty mellow guy, but I also give their mother all the credit in the world. My ex has given our sons a lot of structure, and children NEED structure, much more-so than I understood when I became a father.

I, on the other hand, provide a counter-balance to their mother's parenting by not living my life on a schedule, instead choosing to be more spontaneous and less structured when I'm together with my sons. I bring the unconditional love, and, our sons are loving and kind. For that, I take a lot of the credit.

Balance is a good thing, believe me.

For me there was never any doubt that our twin children were a blessing. My wife and I married in 2008 and conceived a child about six months later. Due to a death in the family, my wife was under a lot of stress and experiencing a lot of grief and, shortly after, we suffered a miscarriage.

At the time of the miscarriage, my wife was going on 40 and pregnancy of any kind was high risk, especially considering that this would be her first child. Although I had always wanted two children, we decided that if we were blessed to have a healthy child after the miscarriage, we would adopt a second.

We conceived again the following spring, and discovered we were pregnant with twins at the first ultrasound. I was elated! We would have two children from a single pregnancy! It seemed fated. My wife, on the other hand, was hysterical. She turned to me, sobbing, and said, "We're going to need two of everything!"

Female hormones. Gotta love 'em.

Is raising twins harder than raising a singleton? Oh yeah. Is it as hard as raising two singletons born, say, 18 months apart? I doubt it.

The first couple of years are a bear, there's no soft selling it. Like most parents of twins, I barely remember the first few months. But things do get progressively easier. And, at 4, I suspect that raising twins might even be easier than raising a singleton. At this stage, mine play very well together, and it works out great when I have to cook dinner or do something else that requires my full attention. My sons still want me fully engaged with them all the time but, when I can't be, they have a willing and ready playmate who enjoys the same things and is at the same stage developmentally. It's pretty great.

A word of advice: when you see parents with twins, don't ask them, "Double trouble, eh?" At best it's cliched. At worst, the parents may take offense because, to some, this statement can be perceived as a negative judgement. If you need an icebreaker, go with "double blessing" instead. And hopefully that's just what they are.